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Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
You never really know how many inches you`re gonna get or how long it`ll last. Snow, maybe.
This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear….. I’m just fat.
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
Sometimes I meow back at cats.
You know you`re getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
The problem with this generation boils down to this one thing: Their cartoons suck.
I have a kid in Africa I inoculate, feed, clothe and send to school for only $1 day. It cost a lot to send him over there though.
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.
You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5