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Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
My inner child is a drunken whore
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
If I throw a stick will you leave?
I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over
Flu (noun) - The only time when having used tissues laying next to your bed is socially acceptable.
Old is when you start thinking about the things you used to do more than the things you’re going to do.
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced “Haha, f*ck you!”.
No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
My medic alert bracelet warns first responders that I kiss back during CPR
Pizza will never tell you you`re fat unless you`re high as sh!t, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.