Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.
Alcohol is never the answer. Unless someone asked me, "What are you doing this weekend?"
I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money
You need a high five, in the face, with a chair.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
Dear Carly Simon, Yes I am so vain that I do think that song is about me.
This century is already 15% over.
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
I`ll never understand women. They hate when you ask their age, but get mad if you forget their birthday.
Before Walmart you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded lady!
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it.