Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Do not read the next sentence. You little rebel, that`s why I like you.
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
If the shoe fits . . . buy one in every color
It’d be hilarious to release a gorilla in a gorilla suit at the mall and see the look on security’s face when they pull off the mask.
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don`t realize how bad it is for their health.....until I`m choking them
You know you`re getting old when Happy Hour is a nap.