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Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying “sorry breaking up with you” or that a minute later she text me back “sorry wrong number.”
I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
Ninja Mode is not a plausible excuse for not being seen at work.
Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn’t be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn’t waste thousands of them in the `80s throwing them at Mario.
Not to brag but my bank says I have an outstanding balance.
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life`s problems
Behind that fat girl is a beautiful woman...No seriously, she`s in the way.
Half of my day is just me screaming profanities at an electronic device.
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
The best two kinds of beer in this world are....Cold & Free..
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...