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is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
I’ve been a sucker for boobies since the day I was born.
Survival rule #1: You go first.
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.
Whenever I`m sad, you`re there. Whenever I`m having problems, you`re always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you`re always there. Lets face it. You`re bad luck.
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn. So I started mowing. The cops showed up at 3 a.m.. These neighbors are never happy...
So, which one of you is going to be the subject of your local news` annual turkey fryer accident story?
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What could possibly go wrong with that?
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...