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FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
You ever wonder why it`s only women who need exorcisms?
You`ve got to be twins. You`re too stupid to be one person.
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
I`m just a boy, standing in front of a girl; not listening to a f*cking thing she`s saying. But nodding, lots of nodding.
When a porn actress is rude at a restaurant, there`s really nothing the staff can put in her food for revenge.
The ski racks on my car say I’m fun, adventurous, and can’t figure out how to take the ski racks off my car.
Secretly replaced the bacon with beggin` strips. Let`s see if the customers notice.
I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me ... from me.
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
There are two types of people in this world: those who know how to handle stress, and those who need bail money.
A friend of mine told me i have to update my self and I asked my self : does he mean there can be a latest version of me?
Kid`s Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren`t allowed to vote.