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My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the a$$holes asked me to turn it down.
Sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck.
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
“Knock him out.” – Mama
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It`s a free country really.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
If you`re in a hole, stop digging...
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%