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It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
The brain is like the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
I need coffee in my life more than I need most people.
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
Twerking is just shaking your a$$? Why did we need a new word? A$$-shaking has served us well for centuries.
Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.
Relationship status: I make my own sandwiches.
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
I hate it when someone turns the light on while I`m sleeping and I`m like O_-
If stress burned calories, I’d be a super model.
my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and pick her up 50 shades of grey, she was pretty mad when i brought home 50 tubes of lipstick.