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Saw some idiot put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.
A penny for your thoughts. Five bucks if they`re dirty.
I consider anything that doesn`t fit in the dishwasher to be for one time use.
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
What if cell phones are part of an elaborate plot to rid the world of phone booths so Superman has nowhere to change?
If being an a$$hole was a professional sport, my face would be on a box of wheaties.
Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
If guys had periods, they´d brag about the size of their tampons.
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you`re donating blood...
They should make Vodka ChapStick
It`s the little things in life that count, like pills.
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?