Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
Always have a goal. Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
...you ever ponder why that page was intentionally left blank?
If we agree, I`m probably being sarcastic ... Or I`m drunk
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a sleeping bag before.
I like people the most when I`m by myself.
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of
I scream. You scream. The police come ... It`s awkward ;)