Daily Silly Status

You lied....you don`t have a Klondike Bar do ya?

I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.

Just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn`t mean it`s ok to wear them in public.

I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.

I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.

A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"

My life coach just benched me.

Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don`t apply the brakes

Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.

I think it`s about time Taylor Swift wrote a song called "Maybe I`m the Problem"

Women are so silly sometimes, thinking men actually care if they fake it.

If you’re a millionaire and you don’t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool then you should just give me all of your money because you’re wasting it

Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs

Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.

I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.