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My internet was down for almost 4 mins, I’m ok but the 911 operator was a total b!tch about it!
The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
Sex ed class should be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
I`m glad I`m me, I don`t think anybody else could take it.
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
I`d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
Sitting in traffic like the non-helicopter owning loser that I am.
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
I’ve found the best way to learn your co-workers’ names is by eating their food in the office fridge
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.