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one of the Olsen twins got married earlier today! when the fiance was asked "which one???" he replied "who cares???"
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing
Mom: How are your grades this semester? Me:.... Mom:.... Me: Mother what`s important is that we have our health
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
If you sneeze near an atheist, they just say "science appreciates you".
"Teeter Totter" is the silliest name for toddler catapults.
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
Whoever said you can`t "like" your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didn’t hear me call shotgun.
My goal today is to turn actions into thoughts.
I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/