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Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
I`m not shy. I`m just being quiet because I know that if I open my mouth to speak, a flow of never- ceasing, insulting comment directed at you will immediately spew from within me.
All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”
There is no better sunscreen than sitting inside a bar.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
You look in good shape!!! Round is a shape isn`t it???
Never tell a lie ... unless it is absolutely convenient
Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.
Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
status uploading
Nothing starts my day off quite like an inspirationsl status!...May your day go fast, your socks match and your underwear no ride up your a$$.
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!