Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.
Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
My greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a TV shows in one week.
So, if I lie to the government, it’s a felony. But if they lie to me its politics?
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
I wonder if Alex Trebek’s tombstone will say ‘Who was the host of Jeopardy?’
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
Interesting fact: Prior to the creation of hummus and ranch dressing nobody ate uncooked vegetables.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?