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People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner are truly ninja`s.
My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
It`s all fun and games until you find out she`s a psychotic bitch...
Remember ladies, if on your 10th selfie you don’t have the perfect one to post you’re really just ugly.
Just about the time I started to give a crap, my attitude became constipated......
You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do.
I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
Another tragedy today in the music industry.....Justin Beiber was just found alive in his apartment. :(
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!
people say nobody`s perfect..i made nobody!..
Hey, people who don`t drive *exactly* like I do. Get off the road!