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I’d be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer.
As a kid, i was afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I am terrified of the electrical bill.
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
The sense of success when you’ve had something stuck between your teeth and you manage to free it after 25 mins of tactical tongue pressure.
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
Christmas time always make me blue :-(( and then red, then green, then oh wow.. presents...
Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I`d probably have done better if they`d specified that they didn`t mean by tickling.
Two things that most people want. 1. Lose weight 2. Eat
Before Walmart you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded lady!
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty
I danced like no one was watching but someone was watching, thought I was having a seizure and called an ambulance