Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
“Knock him out.” – Mama
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
I just saw a bus that you would look amazing under.
No matter what you do on the computer you always end up on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Youtube.
I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has left when I leave.
I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.
Currently training for when they inevitably make drinking an Olympic sport.
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.
Whether a Vacuum is on or off, it`s always collecting dust.
Being human is expensive and exhausting.
Multitasking (verb) - Screwing up several things at once.