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If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
My wife started clipping coupons to help save money. She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse.
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn’t reach very far.
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes I think, "Screw this, I will just be a stripper." Then I remember I am fat and I can`t dance.
How to live a happy life: 1)Do whatever you want 2)Don`t worry 3)Eat whatever you want 4)Don`t take advice from strangers on the internet
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s okay, I think we lost him.”
Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life`s problems
Yes, autocorrect, that`s right. I hate that stupid ditch
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
I need a job that pays at least 10,000 dollars an hour.
If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"
My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he`s a lamp...what does he know....