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In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
WTF, marathoners? I don’t even like to drive 26 miles.
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don`t even have a battery in my smoke detector...
Note to Self: Wearing headphones do not make my farts silent.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
My 5 year old still has so much to learn. I asked him for a screwdriver and he brought me some sort of tool.
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.