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Nothing is as scary as logging into Facebook and seeing someone you were secretly with last night has uploaded a new album.
I love being married. It`s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
Hey NSA, we all know you`re there now. So click the approve on my Candy Crush ticket request.
Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!
I am used but in good condition.
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
How did anybody express anger before the invention of the caps lock key?
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.