Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”
If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I`d be screwed.
Secretly adding a tablespoon of butter to everything he eats is my long-term exit plan.
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Getting stuff out of my refrigerator is like playing Jenga.
I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
I don`t think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.
Sometimes I`ll go out in public and socialize with people, those times are called alibis.
Since It`s summer here`s a little advice, best way to beat the heat is to wear a San Antonio Spurs jersey
When I text someone and they don`t text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from the excitement.
Hey, chicks who have words tattooed on your tits... We didn`t come here to read.