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I hate it when you follow your dreams and wind up in a dumpster in the back ally of an IHOP.
Iām late for a disappointment.
My new bumper sticker ... "Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
What`s worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to .... unless your in prison!!!
WTF, I feel like I pay these bills every month.
You know you`re fat when you run out of breath eating.
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
"You suck! No, you suck!!" - Two women in a threesome
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day