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I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
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There are 2 types of people that annoy me: Drunk people, when I`m sober. Sober people, when I`m drunk.
I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
Life is better when you can share it with a friend that has the same sick, twisted personality as yourself.
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack
You don’t have to be naked to have a good time, but it helps.
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you`re good with grammar you`ll get it.
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
I went on two diets because there wasn’t enough food on just the one.
"I smell carrots. Do you smell carrots? `cause I smell carrots..." ~ Snowmen.
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.