Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
I`m not really your friend until I start insulting you on a daily basis.
If it weren’t for law enforcement and physics, I would be unstoppable.
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
I think sharks eat people just to be on tv.
Single ladies, stop saying you should just give up & get a cat , if no man wants you , don`t force an innocent cat to live with you..
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
I got in touch with my musculine side today - laying on the couch all day, eating gross food, playing games...
Who says I can`t relate to today`s youth? I overheard a teenager saying he loved "riding on E" and I was like "I totally get it, gas is so damn expensive".
The early bird gets the worm! So does the late bird. They all get worms all the time; there`s tons of those things. Relax, there will always be a lota worms......