Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My wife is pissed at me again. Apparently I`m breathing wrong.
Always have a goal. Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
People saying "Laugh my a$$ off" and still having an a$$ next time I see them is the reason I have trust issues.
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream.
Girl scout cookies suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I`m not any thinner.
I love the smell of a liquor store in the morning!
"I can`t wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver