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I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
When they say " drink responsibly ", what they really mean is "don`t f***in spill it!"
When someone says “you’re the best,” just know that it’s not really true because I’m the best.
In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik`s Cube to solve it
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
I`d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
Jodi Arias dating O J Simpson now that would be a hell of a relationship
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
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Ladies, stop looking for a guy to sweep you off your feet. Sweeping is your job
You know what`s wrong with winning a hundred thousand dollars? ... Not a damn thing!
The reason I don`t play Scrabble online, is that I can`t throw the tiles at the person who beats me.