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I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
I knew you were coming so I baked a cake ... It was delicious.
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
I`m drinking like there`s snow tomorrow.
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
Why even ask how my weekend was if you’re just going to interrupt me halfway through to say “Yeah, I saw your Facebook post.”
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
Is it weird that I`m 43 years old and have a secret handshake with 3 adults.....and my dog?
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.
Someone asked me if I`m ever scared that I`ll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was right there.
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?