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World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
I`m really sick and tired of food having calories...
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
Keep calm and drink on.
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
Hmmm… Who should I stalk on Facebook now? :)
Saying you like one political party over another, is like saying one filthy whore is prettier than the other filthy whore.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
Every new day means new opportunities... to make mistakes and f*ck things up.
If there’s one thing that having kids will teach you, it’s home repair.
You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?
I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night…he hypnotized 7 guys…then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled F*CK ME ... what happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life