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Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
You say stalker. I say unpaid private investigator.
Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
Not sure what my spirit animal is, but I am sure it has rabies
They should just block cell phone service in movie theaters. Problem solved.
I find the best way to get rid of headaches is to send them either to their rooms or outside to play.
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. I use coupons to get pizza.
have you ever looked at someone and thought, "yeah you definitely have someone locked away in your basement."