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People around me think I`m losing it. So today, I had to sit myself down and have a talk.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
Dear autocorrect, at no point in time have I meant to say "I`m affordable" instead of "I`m adorable".
There`s never been a single day in my life when I thought to myself " thank god the cops are here"
Never make decisions when you are angry....or horny.
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
I really thought 2015 had potential to be “my year” but we’re 2 months in and that ship has sailed so I’ll try again for 2016.
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....