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St. Patricks day is the only time you can ask somebody in public,"Do you want some green" without you looking suspect.
In my most recent survey,,, four out of five women talked crap about the fifth one whenever she was out of earshot.
Dear Santa: My sister is the "naughty" one ... trust me.
Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.
It`s unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
Why do they have “limited edition” scented candles? Are there crazy people collecting these things?
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin ... I don’t even know what that means, but now I’m hungry.
I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."
If you`re wondering why you`re single, date someone. You`ll remember
For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.