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is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
Got kicked out of Ziggy`s. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams
If kids get money for losing teeth, what do I get for all this hair I’m losing?
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
That very akward moment when Shakirah`s hips lie!
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn`t reply to my last 43 inbox messages & then you updated about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?
I`ll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they´re going to be when you kill them.