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I don’t go to bars for the same reason I don’t grocery shop when I’m hungry. I always come home with things I didn’t need.
I watched Americas Got Talent for 15 minutes and I beg to differ.
"Don`t make me regret this." -things I think when accepting a friend request.
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
I’m working on my resume. Should I use the term “mad skillz” or would “mad skills” be more formal?
My wife has spent all day arguing that she isn`t stubborn...
I cannot turn water into wine but, I can turn ice cream into breakfast so that’s pretty neat.
This status update contains many of the same words that appear on Pulitzer Prize winning novels.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
sleep is for people without netflix
All I`m saying is there`s a reason all the best love songs have the word crazy in them.
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.