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Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
Matchbooks exist just to be clues in detective movies.
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
Never trust a married guys opinion of who`s hot. It`s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
I’m so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
Only a fool trips on what`s behind him.
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
Of course you should follow me. I’m funny. Ask anyone. Well, except my mother-in-law. Don`t ask her.
I`m absolutely nailing this "I give a sh!t" face today!
If a group of midgets performed the YMCA song, it is to be considered that they did it in lowercase?
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Now if you’ll excuse me, tonight’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.