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Why is it so hard to find a woman who loves me for me and not the person I lied and manipulated her into thinking I am?
Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on your wall again.
The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
Some people are normal. What an awful, boring existence that must be.
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.
Hi I’m a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
In actuality, Batman is just a more violent and dark version of Inspector Gadget.
I can sum up my life in three words: “just browsing, thanks.”
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
Stress balls work best when you shove them down somebody`s throat.
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.