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I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
anyone celebrating anything today? Anything at all... doesn`t matter what. I just need something to drink to.
Don’t waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake it then you`ve got it made!
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I`m home alone and my power goes out.
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".