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is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
Do you ever wish you were a monkey? Then if you got mad at someone, you could just fling your poo at them. Problem solved.
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?
I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”
Everything in earthquake-prone areas should be built on top of a giant Tempurpedic mattress.
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
I don’t like people who can’t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
If you`re camping and you have WiFi, you`re not camping.
I hear voices ... and they don`t like you.
It`s hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps
Today somebody called me a model! Well they said "poster boy for birth control", but I knew what they meant.