Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I`m like HOLY CRAP I`M OUTSIDE.
You had me at, "we`ll make it look like an accident."
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
I’m drinking while I work out…I call it Bacardio.
Relationship Status: eating
Always look both ways before crossing a woman.
The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl`s purse is when it doesn`t match what I`m wearing.
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
Sometimes I feel happy, but then the Oreos run out.
Rest area restrooms are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.
The problem with some people is that they’re alive.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.
It`s weird how many people at my office are named "Hey."
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.