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LISTEN: It was sweet of you to suck the venom out of my snake bite, but if you really loved me... you would have swallowed.
If you look in the mirror and say "Taylor Swift" three times, she magically appears then breaks up with you. What do u know next? You`re a song!
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
One thing I`ve learned about women is they prefer that I don`t speak
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
The tragedy of Scooby-Doo is that whoever kept supplying criminals with such realistic prosthetic masks was never caught.
My daughter exclaims "Cheers!" before she takes a drink of juice. So no, actually, I am NOT looking forward to parent - teacher conferences.
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
I wish real life had as many ejection seats as cartoons.