Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
I haven`t been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn`t lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I`ve told to cops.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
If you think your having a bad day ... You could be digging your own grave at gun point and find buried treasure.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny and thin. It`s a public service really.
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
His idea of cleanliness is sweeping the room with a glance.
I am a very very very bad influence ... In a good way.
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
My newsfeed looks like a cross between a Civil War Soldier and ZZ Top photo album.
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.