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That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
If you’re getting dirty looks because your baby is crying loudly on a plane, start crying even louder and everyone will avoid eye contact
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
It`s funny how this guy grating cheese over my pasta thinks I`m going to say stop.
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them so damn often.
This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.