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My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes a great Subway sandwich.
I sleep better naked.. why can´t the flight attendants understand this?
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c`mon...even I`ve done THAT!"
I`m pretty sure there`s a chip in my car that turns all traffic lights RED...
What do women say when they are actually fine?
Serving size ?? LMAO
A bachelor party seems more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
Who ever invented the knock knock joke should get the no bell prize.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.