Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hi, it’s me. I can’t get to the phone right now, even though it’s right here in my hand.
I`m not a Dr. or a Nutritionist, but I`m pretty sure the worst thing you can put into any high fat/ high calorie dish is your fork.
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
"No! Don`t go into the church! Nooo!" ... "Honey, what movie are you watching?" ... "Our wedding video."
Shout out to the guy behind me flashing red & blue lights.
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
I was reading that it takes the average man four minutes to have sex, and he’s asleep eight minutes after that. This sounds very dangerous, because by then most men are driving home.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually dont have one
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
I can’t tell if I’m hungry, but better eat just in case.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?