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I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
I am sick of people thinking deodorant is optional.
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable applications of high explosives.
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
"I trust my boyfriend, I would never go thru his phone" -girls who can`t figure out boyfriend`s passwords