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Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
I need coffee in my life more than I need most people.
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don`t have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won`t look weird.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but Iām going to be too busy sitting on mine.
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.