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I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin.
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be “doesn’t know how to follow directions.”
The problem with diets is pizza.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
Etc... A word used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.
The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
Good friends do not let you do stupid things….. alone :)