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Still waiting for a "Where are they now?" episode about the Flintstones
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
Pretty proud of myself, I got a lot of procrastinating done today
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.
I got kicked out of the public swimming pool today. Apparently the `Breast Stroke` wasn`t what I thought it was.
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
One man’s potato is another man’s vodka.
I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.
How many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw.
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?