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eBay sellers - just because you`ve dug your suit/dress out of the back of your wardrobe doesn`t make it vintage. #JustOldAndSmelly
Dieting is for the birds. Which is why you hardly ever see a fat bird.
Sorry, kids. It appears ninjas ate all of our Halloween candy.
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
Life is not a garden so quit being a hoe
So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I`m pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood.
Dear neighbor mowing your yard this morning, I found my bagpipes for tonight.
Hoodie Footie Pajamas from Pajamagram; because nothing tells a girl you love her like giving her something to cover up her body from head to toe before she gets in your bed.
The only thing I ever throwback on Thursdays are drinks
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
Dear family, thank you for all those wonderful childhood memories ... Here`s my therapy bill.
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
You know it was a good sh!t when you come back and your screensaver is on.
The early bird gets the worm! So does the late bird. They all get worms all the time; there`s tons of those things. Relax, there will always be a lota worms......