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Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
I`m pretty sure by now “lazy” is just part of my personality description.
The way I figure it, whatever doesn’t kill me has lost it’s chance.
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
Beer never asks me if I think another beer is prettier than it.
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.