Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
Relatives - Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too.
Relationship status: Runs alone at night in hopes of being abducted.
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
Not sure if I need sex, sleep, or to punch someone in the face.
My GPS says "time of arrival" ... I see "time to beat."
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.”
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.