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I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
Old meaning of sorry. "I won`t do it again." New meaning of sorry. "Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful."
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
When she says she`s madly in love with you, concentrate more on the word madness.
I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.
I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
I don’t appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.
Legalizing same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
I can’t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"