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Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They`er so warm and cozy, and it`s fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
You know how people dread going to the dentist? I feel that way about getting out of bed.
How much do those guys who yell in the back of rap songs make? I could totally do that.
Life Tip: Tell your guests your house was just broken into and fake cry, they will clean it for free!
You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
I`m a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I`m your man.
I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
I`m just 1 nap, 8 beers, 2 orgasms and my own personal robot away from this being the best day ever.
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves