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If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
And, yet another day I’ve gone without using calculus.
"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
Every year new words are added onto the dictionary, yet no new positions are added to the karma sutra.
The guy who invented wet t-shirt contests probably has no idea that shirts can just be taken off.
If your house doesn`t have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Home Depot
Whenever I`m sad, you`re there. Whenever I`m having problems, you`re always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you`re always there. Lets face it. You`re bad luck.
When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?
Kid, I can take you out the same way I brought you into this world, by making it look like an accident.
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
"Bros before hoes" is something a bro without a hoe would say.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...
Only YOU, can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.