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Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
Yesterday I jokingly asked my wife what she was burning for dinner. Turns out it was all my personal belongings.
A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I`m wrong.
Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
In hell you`re always trying to spread butter that`s too cold.
My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.
No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational post are hard.
Being single is the worst sh!t ever. Being in a relationship is a close second.
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and pick her up 50 shades of grey, she was pretty mad when i brought home 50 tubes of lipstick.
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.