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My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
I really hate it when someone else creates something that I haven`t had the chance to think of first...
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.
If you get angry, just take deep breaths and count to ten. Unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
How awesome would it be if boobs made maraca sounds when you shook them? LOL
You can´t trust dogs to watch your food.
Nothing says love like hearing a toilet flush on the other end of the phone.
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
Something tells me that girl with the word "Princess" tattooed on her neck isn`t really Royalty.
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
It needs more cowbell!!
A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.